Relationship and Change

Intimate relationships always start out as deep connections, strong attraction, numerous commonalities, joined activities and interest in each other's lives. Given that's where we mostly enter into a relationship, what happens along the way? The following article will look at the ways in which change affects your relationship and what to do about it.

Simple fact: We change

The longer the relationship lasts, the more we change, and not necessarily in the same direction. Look at children growing up and you can see the changes they are going through just by looking at their physical changes. Think about the miracle of physical growth that happens in the nine months in the womb where a baby grows from a cell to about 50 centimetres of body. Once they are born change continues to happen on a physical level: one minute they are tiny babies, the next they are walking and running around the house and then they are already in school. The years fly by and you blink and you have a teenager in your house who's planning to move our and create their own life.

Even though the physical changes as adults are not as obvious, those which are we fight with creams, exercise or beauty operations. On a physical level it is said that we renew all the cells of our body within a seven year cycle. If your relationship has passed the seven year mark you are literally married to a different person. One of the common relationship complaints is therefore true: 'He/she no longer is the person that I married years ago!'

Facing change

There are a couple of ways in which we can approach change:

1. not at all, ignoring the fact

2. fighting it and or complaining about it or

3. embracing it

There is no easy answer to the question 'what is the right way to deal with change?' however 'embracing it' is definitely my recommendation as the other two options sooner or later will create pain.

Embracing change

Having said that, how do we embrace change in relationships? First of all we need to accept the fact that we both, along with everyone around us, change. This stage of acceptance will be a continuous practice. Secondly we need to communicate with our partner about the effects of change, both in ourselves and the perceived changes in our partner. Without sharing in truth and openness we live with assumptions and unspoken expectations which both poison the connection we have with our partner. The third step is to re-evaluate again and again what we can live with and what not. We might need to re-negotiate our relationship agreements with each other or, if the changes are no longer allowing the union to exist, we need to part our separate ways.

Ask yourself: Is staying with my partner more important and am I able to accept the changes? If the answer is yes - continue, if the answer is no - communicate honestly and take the next step.

Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.

Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of 'Reach for the Sky Therapy' on Sydney's Northern Beaches and specialises in 'relationship related issues'. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment.

Visit my website: http://www.reachforthesky.com.au or visit my blog: http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com and sign up for our newsletter today.